THE NSA THING...

Hi all ! I've been wanting to share some thoughts about this for awhile, so, here we go...

The NSA Thing...

A preemptive word of warning - I'm tired as hell right now, and I always write these things off the top of my head, in only 1 take, so, if I ramble? Well...KMA lol

Let's get started ! 

The above image is taken from the "Right Now" video from Van Halen. It is from the "For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge" album which was released in 1992.

Right Now, Joe Foster is thinking Sammy Hagar is a fucking prophet...

And just because I think I could spice my blog up with some tunes, here's the link to the video below, for your listening pleasure...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMV-fenGP1g

In fact, upon watching this video tonight, over a couple decades later, SO MUCH of the content of it is COMPLETELY relevant today, for ALL of us. Old men and oil companies are in control etc...

Right Now, we find ourselves in the year 2013, and are just NOW asking ourselves, what, when, how and WHY did our OWN government do this, to be able to have the ability to monitor US - and become Big Brother? How DARE they invade MY privacy?

To people like that. I don't really know exactly the proper way to respond. I think I might try by dropping a pretty heavy, but relevant quote on them, my favorite quote, of ALL time...it goes a little something like this...

"Most people are on the world, not in it-- having no conscious sympathy or relationship to anything about them-- undiffused separate, and rigidly alone like marbles of polished stone, touching but separate. " - John Muir

Right Now, those not IN the know, are probably wondering, "what the hell does he mean by saying that?:

What I'm trying to say is - Unless a person actually cares enough to understand and be completely aware of his world, his surroundings and environment - at ALL times, then you're part of the problem - not the solution. 

So, if this applies to you, do me, and those of us with functional synapses a favor - sit down, shut up, and GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY of those of us who are able to form cognitive thought patterns, and try to make sense of things, and just MAYBE, think of a way out of this disasterpiece we've gotten ourselves so deeply mired into... 

In all honesty though, given the generalized dis-associative state our attention-deficit-afflicted nation is symbiotically entwined with, I feel that we've now crossed past the 11th hour - the "Zero Barrier", and there's no looking back - the "asteroid" is GOING to hit us. (#Armageddon) Too many minds would need to be awakened, in too little time, and I just don't see our own country or world rising above the largest plague of Mankind - the Apathy that has us all BY THE BALLS...

I digress for a moment, you know, while I'm here passing out Sainthoods, I may as well give a few to the Wachowski brothers, because damn it, they too seemingly are able to divinate the divine when they shared the story and concept of "The Matrix" with us, which is, in nearly EVERY way, the absolute, complete, and tragically realistic analogy of our daily lives...... "The Matrix Is Real" 

People are plugged in. Clueless. Automatons. Perfectly content to live ignorantly in bliss, rather than understand and comprehend or improve their own conditions or the worlds around them. 

Why am I saying this? Simple. We have our entire country up in arms screaming about the fact that we're SURE that our Government (aka. "Mr. Smith") knows EXACTLY what we're doing - what we're watching on TV, what we're eating, where we're going, or what kinda porn we're watch....er just kidding..honest !

- A quick sidebar - 

No knocks on my door - yet. Though, sometimes, I do wonder what would happen if I were able to openly share my views, face to face, with the Feds. Now the movie ERASER is coming to mind...."You've just been ERASED."

Damn. I watch too many movies....

- End sidebar -

So anyways, let's see if we can get some panties un-bunched. For my fellow countrymen all up in arms, let's start here...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_the_Patriot_Act

I know you probably didn't read it, but that's OK, I knew you wouldn't, so being the great and helpful guy that I am, I'll explain it to you...

This is a law that the BEST PRESIDENT THE USA HAS EVER HAD (yes I'm kidding again, I could NEVER say that with a straight face) - George Bush signed into LAW in the year TWO-THOUSAND-AND-ONE.

So, for the past 12 years (and now we know more) our Men In Black (also another good movie), have had the proverbial FREE REIGN to come and go and monitor pretty damn as much of our personal lives as we see fit!  

So I guess I should ask, where the HELL was all the Altruistic bitching THEN? Queue the sound of crickets....

Now, I know most of us are pissed about this (NOW), but seriously, did you EVER TRULY BELIEVE, for ONE SINGLE MOMENT, that they would, or have EVER imposed ANY kind of boundaries or restrictions upon the limits of their jurisdictions into our lives?

Are you REALLY THAT naive? How's that plug in the back of your head workin out for ya?

"Wow! I know Kung-Fu!..."

If you need a refresher, go look at "Prophet Sammy's" image again.....

Yes, I do know, it WOULD have been NICE, to have had the luxury of the government sitting down with our own Human Rights groups and allowed / afforded us some form of discussions about what individual freedoms WE WOULD and WOULD NOT be willing to sacrifice or keep, but to do that just isn't feasible. Not in this kind of playing minefield. Not these days...things are different. Things are globally DANGEROUS.

Another quick, but relative digression - I've sat back and watched all the cutesy Memes about Gun control, and one of them sticks in my mind, which the promotes gun advocacy with a message that says something about "use guns, because when do you think criminals will ever play fair" or something very similar to that. 

So the question to ask, which was already answered by the actions of "THE MAN"  is  - "THEY DON'T" and because of that, we're doing it "OUR WAY" your way is IRRELEVANT. Now sit down, shut up, and go back to being a happy little automaton in the Matrix. Know your role, and shut your mouth !  

The point here is, you CAN'T announce to the world that you're listening to this channel or that channel, or monitoring this frequency or that for Terroristic activity. You don't go into a warzone / jungle or crime infested building and yell out something like - "Hey bad guys, are ya in here?" Guess what?

They're NOT gonna answer you.... #shocker !

So....since 2001, when the ENTIRE WORLD CHANGED (meaning, we DONT live in that kind of happy-go-lucky-everyone-is-shiny-and-happy-kind-of-world anymore, where everything was cutesy and happy, and only those mean people overseas that NO ONE CARED ABOUT blew each other up, and we didn't have a care in the world, only to make sure we didn't miss our favorite programs on TV - we HAVE to ask...

What in the blue FUCK do we do to stay 1 step ahead of these bastards?

And so, the government gave us PRISM...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/PRISM

and before that it was NarusInsight...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narus_(company)

and before THAT it was Carnivore...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carnivore_(software)

For those actually educated enough to BE ATTUNED to this world, do I REALLY need to stop and tell you that even before THAT, there were OTHER systems used to monitor us, and to keep us in control?

You're smart enough to know this has been something happening from the beginning of our formation until now, right ?

My point is, this isn't something that just sprung up and happened overnight...

Our enemies are NOT overseas anymore. They're HERE. They're all around us. That's OUR REALITY. And now, it's actually time to put down the remote and CARE, because it actually affects YOU. It affects ME. It affects us ALL.

In THIS world, today, to attempt to survive this kind of guerrilla warfare, you HAVE NO CHOICE other than to partake in these kinds of NECESSARY EVILS to attempt to stay 1 step AHEAD of your enemy - just like a global Chessmatch. Any good Chess player knows this is the best way to defeat your opponent.

The BIG problem with that is - our opponent(s) know, and are actively doing that to us, Right Now, too !

Keep in mind, that employing these EXACT techniques, the monitoring of transmissions etc, were DIRECTLY responsible for assisting us in the capture AND EXECUTION of Osama Bin Laden !

And now, let me tell you, there is not ONE person in the ENTIRE WESTERN HEMISPHERE that didn't CHEER when we got the news that he was double tapped !

What happened then? Be honest with yourself. For a MOMENT you felt SAFER. You felt more SECURE. And maybe, just for a SECOND your mind flashed back and thought you could go back to it being September 10th, 2011 again. Things would once again be RIGHT in this world, and we could wake up from this incessant NIGHTMARE we're all in....

But NO, with 1 fell swoop, these fucking PRICKS Assange, Snowden and their assorted collection of douche bags have attempted to level the ENTIRE playing field and allow these fucking terrorists an EASIER time to plan and plot at how many of OUR loved ones they're going to be able to KILL.

With 1 fell swoop, that bastard ELIMINATED YEARS of collective time, money, secrecy and effort and nullify the GOOD things those systems have done AND POTENTIAL harm and deaths they could have protected us ALL from in our future.... 

What did General Alexander say? BECAUSE OF THOSE SYSTEMS they were ABLE to INTERCEPT (meaning takes place before hand) / THWART FIFTY PLUS attacks ! Attacks that, God knows, would have PROBABLY killed exponentially HIGHER than the events at The World Trade Center, and that day - 9-11, is a day that is FOREVER burned into our collective psyche. A scar that will NEVER heal. What could POSSIBLY be WORSE than THAT kind of DAMAGE ? 

Do we REALLY want to find out ? Why not ask the people at the Boston Marathon...

Do we want to find out when they have a NUCLEAR SUITCASE to open in the middle of Times Square...?

Listen to me, you DONT defeat these BASTARDS by offering them a fucking flower, or by using strong language ! You've GOT to use these kinds of clandestine systems to create an advantage! You HAVE to be able to be the one to outwit, outplay, and outlast your opponent!! (yes Survivor IS my favorite show)....

Personally, I APPLAUD the President for using these systems, because I know, for as much of a DOUCHE REPUBLICANS AND DEMOCRATS ALIKE CAN BE, at the END OF THE DAY - OUR PRESIDENT WOULD PICK UP A GUN OR PRESS A BUTTON TO DEFEND US ALL OR DIE TRYING TO KEEP US ALL SAFE. That's his fucking job! He's doing it, but in a way that our world climate and environment created FOR him, NOT because he ARBITRARILY sought out, of his OWN ACCORD, to USE. Get the DIFFERENCE? 

Now, this brings me to this little shitstain Snowden....

Man...I've been in IT for 26 years, and I've run across EXACTLY the type that he is - the smug, pompous, know it all, elitist, want to be self righteous and important, firebrand and legend in his OWN mind that he WISHES to be...he's NOT. He's not "Neo" though, I'm positive he wishes he was.

Ironically enough, there's IS a part of me, that incessantly yearns, in ALL things, for the TRUTH, that CAN see the merit in the INFORMATION itself, but his actions, CLEARLY DO NOT JUSTIFY THE MEANS.

At the end of the day, the dissemination of his information and dossiers will DEFINITELY do our country, AND OUR SAFETY, more HARM than good. In the end, his whisteblowing is a ruse of his own.

So what can we DO about it? Critical systems and government departments will ALWAYS be prone to user intervention. Maybe one day, to paraphrase another Keanu movie, perhaps government employees will manditorily be "wetwired" to our sensitive systems, and restricted from classified information. Maybe we will have the ability to "mindwipe" agents that go rogue...who knows....they're already working on it....hey, it COULD happen!

So let's see now, where is this coward anyway ? Right Now, he's sitting ( last I checked he was in Russia, (giving our secrets to our NUCLEAR ARMED BEST FRIENDS THE RUSSIANS - a truly awesome thing in of itself!!!! I couldn't be HAPPIER about that, I'm damn near downright GIDDY about it ! FML......)

He's saying he's doing this in the public interest, and yet, he's giving interviews and shit, and now his Pops is making demands and riders and waivers about the conditions on which he will be coming back to America...

If I was Barack, I'd say "SURE BUDDY !come on back, ALL is forgiven! Honest ! I got a welcome home package just WAITING for ya!!!....though, if it were me, it just very well could be a package that was ticking...lol

Seriously people, Snowden isn't telling anyone who is clued in anything they don't ALREADY KNOW. It is simply, if at best, putting a product label with the ideology and concepts we've all known to exist, for many, many years...

The only people that seem, in ANY way shocked about this, are those people who managed, somehow, with SUPERHUMAN EFFORT, to tear themselves away from their beloved suckling of TV for a second, or, because someone texted or tweeted something to them about it. Hell, maybe they saw it Trending Now and figured they'd check it out...lmfao !

So...anyway, thanks Ed for exposing our country, and needlessly putting lives in danger. You're a REAL HERO...no, not really. ...you're a fucking narcissistic TERRORIST, and I can't WAIT til the Feds get a hold of you. I GUARANTEE you'll WISH you were in Guantanamo !

I have to wonder this very important thought. What would he think, if it was HIS family standing next to the wastebasket at the Boston Marathon...would he have the same ideals then...?

Me? Yeah my family lives near Boston. My family had a FUN day worrying about the welfare of our loved ones until, many hours later, we learned everyone was okay...I'm telling you, it's NOT a position you EVER want to find yourselves in...

So anyway, good luck with your travels Ed. Try fucking over or crossing the Chinese or Russian governments next and see where THAT gets ya! I guarantee the same exact place if he ever tries to step foot back here again...

In a fucking body bag....

So how do I summarize this? I guess I just really don't give a shit what the government monitors of mine. If they want my hard drive, I'll hand it over willingly. If they want to listen to my conversations about me taking my Mom to Wal Mart, or how she loves chocolate shakes, or how riveting and shocking it is that I call my wife to tell her that I love her, or that I'm constantly sending her love notes and texts all day....or that I look at pictures of comic books on Facebook, or that I write radical blogs....muahaha !!!

Simply put, I have nothing to hide, and I'm unashamed of anything I've done. If anyone else is like that, I would venture to think, that they have nothing to worry about either - so they can blissfully and ignorantly stay plugged in to The Matrix, with their TV remotes firmly locked in their grasp.

Right Now...I believe, our Government has other things to do...

Right Now...I'm done.

-J

#thematrixisreal

The Paula Deen Thing...

The Paula Deen Thing...

I'm not really sure if this is going to qualify as a Blog entry or not, as I'm not sure what all I can say about this, but I'll give it a try...

See, for as much as I DO NOT CONDONE THE USE OF THE N WORD FOR ANY REASON AT ANY TIME, I, for the LIFE of me, cannot even BEGIN to attempt to demonize, or vilify Paula Deen for what she said.

Why? Because she said it 27 YEARS ago, and I believe in the power of Forgiveness, so that's ONE reason, but that's not the most IMPORTANT one, those are to follow. BTW I just gotta ask, how many of you reading this can remember what YOU said 30 years ago, verbatim? Just sayin...

In any case, while I believe that her ends do NOT justify her means, if anyone is being REALISTIC about this issue, we need to start analyzing this from the beginning..

A person has the RIGHT NOT TO LIKE ANY person, group, socio-economic class, gender or entity as MUCH as they want, WHEN they want, and HOW they want. Welcome to America! You're free, I'm free, we're all free ! Right....? (try not to think of the NSA right now, just stay with me for a moment, ok?)

However, IF a person elects to do so, they MUST be prepared for the backlash / repercussions that stem directly from it ! Even if it means their world gets unraveled, or, they face a personal crisis, or in Paula's case - complete meltdown-level type destruction. She's reaping what she's sown...

A quick sidebar -

What I find interesting about this entire scenario, please mark it down that you heard it here FIRST.

In about a year or two's time, America, having the Attention Deficit Disorder of an infant, such that it does, will forgive her as soon as she becomes "hip, and in, or retro" in our pathetic minds. Then, once again, she will rise to glory, and be given her own show once more, free to kill us by butter and cholesterol all over again! She'll have a LifeTime movie, we'll all cry, we'll cheer her 1st show when she comes back on TV...Don't fret kids, it's GONNA happen! Trust me!

I mean, come on, we live in a land where everyone (somehow - I'm still scratching my head on it myself) seemingly has forgiven Michael Vick for the BUTCHERY HE committed !

Hell, at least " Sweet Innocent Paula" has never MURDERED anyone or anything - she just hates black people! That's not so bad is it? =)

End sidebar -

Now the BIG thing that really burns my ass about this entire situation is simply this - civilized society, and, the majority of African Americans ALL universally believe that the "N" word is a HURTFUL word, a DEROGATORY word, an IGNORANT word, right ??

It is a word that solicits memories of a cruel, disdainful, hurtful and barbaric time - a complete blemish or imbruing of American History. A time when innocent people of color were kidnapped, tortured, raped, lynched, and MURDERED simply for the hatred of color of their skin...right ??

It's so odd to me...I'm sitting here thinking, this woman had her entire world DESTROYED by people saying she was the DEVIL for saying this word, under duress (with a gun to her head?) 27 YEARS AGO!  The people who condemn her say, this word is hurtful, painful, and it's just so INCREDIBLY, HORRIBLE that she EVER even THINK of using it - EVER. It is THE most EVIL and HATEFUL thing a person can EVER even DO, THINK, or SAY...THAT is EXACTLY the kind of treatment this woman IS RECEIVING RIGHT NOW...

Ironically enough, I have a hard time remembering what I had for breakfast a day ago, lest remember what occurred once, nearly 3 decades ago...still, that's no excuse! Let's tie her Southern ass to the stake ! Yes, I'm being snarky, but you get the concept here....follow the bouncing ball...

Now, flash forward, those VERY same people who absolutely DENOUNCE her character, her SOUL, her entire BEING are EXACTLY the same people that in that VERY SAME BREATH will go out and purchase the new Jay-Z album, or whatever the rap-de-jour album of the day is, where that person will use the word LIBERALLY a THOUSAND times a second and gets paid MILLIONS of dollars, and that person gets GLORIFIED and REVERED for their "incredible and amazing talent and lyrcal ability". Why, I even heard one amazing hip hop star being called "the songwriter / lyricist of our generation!" Amazing........

It's like, when I think of these guys, I stop to wonder, what kind of "oppression" did that rap star face? What kind of diamond rings to wear that day? What kind of car to drive? What kind of restaurant to dine in ? What club to go to that night ? Trust me kids, these clowns did NOT suffer, they did not bleed under the crack of cruel razor whips, their ANCESTORS DID.

So, to string this thought along, and to connect the dots, my question is, if it's so EVIL to even WHISPER about, what makes it ok for African American people to STILL USE that word at ALL ? The reason why - I'm being told, and I COMPLETELY disagree with this - is that people like Flava Flav, Chris Rock, Martin Lawrence, Eddie Murphy, Richard Pryor - seemingly ALL "OWN" the word - get this, simply because they're BLACK and that they CAN, and because of that, and that alone, they should be FREELY allowed to use that word as much as they want at will with NO repercussions of ANY kind - no Al Sharpton marching on a movie studio, no Jesse Jackson Million Man Marches to storm the capital of Def Jam Records, NOTHING like that. It's considered PERFECTLY NORMAL and ACCEPTABLE, because OF the color of THEIR skin and they have the RIGHT to use it whenever and however they want...they have complete and total LIFETIME IMMUNITY..... ???????


************ WRONG !!!!!! ************

So to clarify this - It's WRONG for any NON-African person to use that word in any context because it's hurtful, demeaning and horrifically and morally wrong, but it's PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE for an African person to use it as a "term of endearment" as much as they want to ?

Has our country, and our brainpower degenerated so LOW to a point of being nearly, and completely fucking FLATLINED so much that we don't even have TWO SYNAPSES left to fire to think, even for ONE SECOND that saying that word, at ANY time in ANY FORUM is NOTHING LESS than COMPLETELY unacceptable??? Since when did saying the N word become a JOKE???

I would love that rap star to tell that to my wonderful, kind, warm high school gym coach who was attacked and BRANDED with a cattle iron on BOTH FUCKING ARMS by the KK FUCKING K - A joke !!!????

You people that believe so, honest to God, move to an island, chop your dicks off, and go sterilize yourselves or something, because quite simply - you shouldn't be allowed to fucking BREED. Seriously!

Let me break down my previous sarcastic analogy - In REALITY, This is called A DUAL STANDARD !!! A DUAL FUCKING STANDARD. Point blank. Period. The END ! Your argument is INVALID.

If ANYONE who DOES have a problem with Paula's actions, or ANYONE who is of a similar mind, they need to stop and consider the fact that either there MUST BE EQUALITY ACROSS THE BOARD AND LET BOTH SIDES DO EXACTLY AS THEY WANT TO, ***OR***, THEY THEMSELVES are GOING TO BE ETERNALLY DEEMED A FUCKING HYPOCRITE and deserve NOTHING but the right to SHUT THE FUCK UP and STOP THROWING STONES and continue to live in the IGNORANT-DUAL-STANDARD-SHALLOW-FOOLISH WORLD THEY EXIST IN !

(AGAIN, TO REITERATE THAT I DO NOT CONDONE WHAT SHE DID. I SIMPLY BELIEVE IN WHAT IS RIGHT AND PRACTICING COMPLETE EQUALITY FOR ALL PEOPLE, AT ALL TIMES)

I AGREE that a Network, a company, a TV station, a product has EVERY right to associate themselves with a person however they see fit, so they are right for doing what they thought was the right thing to do, and what they believed in. But don't mistake, for ONE minute, that the reasons that they did so were for ANY ALTRUISTIC means, or beliefs that persons of color ARE and SHOULD ALWAYS BE EQUAL! Rather, that they wanted to fucking KOWTOW to their stockholders and shareholders, and cover their asses when every VFW in the state AND Al Sharpton show up on their front doorsteps to boycott their OWN business, leaving THEM bankrupt, holding up the "Will Work for Food" signs standing right NEXT to her....

But on a bastardly note, I have to chuckle and wonder - if you DO have to hold up a "Will Work For Food" sign, at least you'd have HER to cook for ya, so hey, that's a little silver lining for ya! Who says I can't be cheery when I want to ? =)

I digress - THE POINT that I was trying  to make here is THIS - *** THE WORD IN EVERY FORM IS IGNORANT AND MORALLY WRONG AND SHOULD BE BANISHED IN ALL FORMS, AND IN ALL MEDIA EQUALLY. NO EXCEPTIONS. NO "OWNING" THE WORD. GONE. PERMANENTLY FROM ALL RECORDED MEMORY, WANT, OR DESIRE TO USE IT - EVER AGAIN IN THE HISTORY AND FUTURE OF ALL MANKIND.***

And yet, it's not.....

Why....... ???

I believe it is because we live in an absolutely ignorant, finger pointing, overwhelmingly hypocritical, shallow country. A country that in many ways, is on the verge of becoming a third world country IN THE CONTEXT OF ITS MINDSET, VALUES, PRIORITIES AND ACTIONS, it headed towards a permanent cesspool...

That's a fact...we're on an express elevator to Hell, go-in DOWN !

I am VERY ashamed of the path this country has taken. The values it places on erroneous, mindless pursuits, people, places, hypocrisy and petty things.

I wish, in my dreams, for that is the only place I know that I will ever live to see them - that as Dr. Martin said, that I live in a land where everyone, and everything IS TRULY EQUAL, and things like morals, and intelligence, actually HAVE value and MEAN something again...

Forgiveness. Love. Tolerance .Respect. Understanding. Compassion. Intelligence.

Where are they ... ??

I close this by saying... "Let he who is without sin.... ______"

I'm done.

-J

Fathers...

This is my father. His name was Joseph Henry Foster. I'm named after him, the 3rd in our family to proudly share this name. 

This is the greatest man I've ever known, and today, on this most very special of days, my thoughts are of him, and I'd like to share with you the reasons why...

Many of you, my friends that have known me for many years already know some of what I'm about today, most of you are not, and I feel that is something I'd like to share, and to tell you about the kind of man he was...

All of my life - all of it - every moment, all I have ever known of this man, is someone who was devastated and ravaged by an illness - Emphysema, the touch of Satan, is what I call it. 

What is Emphysema ? Emphysema is a disease that destroys the tissues needed to allow normal lung functions. Simply put, the man could not breathe. He the capacity of 1/3 of one lung, my entire life. 

He got this because, when he was younger, his idol was the "cool" James Dean, who walked around with a cigarette permanently hanging out of his mouth, as he and his friends tried to emulate. They were not aware of the dangers or damage of smoking. Awareness was not what it is today. He did not learn any better until it was far too late...he tried, but it was too late....my mother, thankfully, was able to give up that wicked habit. Thankfully, as a boy, seeing what it did to my Father, I had no problem finding mom's pack, and flushing every last of those cancer sticks down any nearby toilet I could find. She was so mad, but I didn't care. Every time she would yell at me, I would cry, but I kept doing it. I never stopped until she gave it up, for good. Thank you God !

Back then when I was a boy, just coming into this world, things were not the same as they are today. Hospitals were not kind to children, my earliest memories were spent in these cold, unfeeling places, being smuggled in my big brother Brian's jacket just to even be able to fight for the right to see my own father...

On another occasion, I remember Brian and his friends made a human ladder, that I climbed to stand on top of their shoulders, to be able to look into a 2nd story window, just to be able to see my father's face, and wave, to tell him I loved him...he and my mother saw me, completely surprised, and probably wondering how EXACTLY I was able to get up there. I remember seeing my fathers face, in that hospital bed, completely LIGHTING UP seeing me, and he smiled, and waved as the bigger boys were just able to hold me up long enough, then set me back down.

I didn't want to leave...I wanted to see my Dad...

There were so many other occasions like that, that during my lifetime, I have truly lost count...I've seen enough hospitals to last 10 lifetimes... 

I say the things I tell you now, because I would like everyone to know, that despite the odds he was given, this is a man, that, in my entire lifetime, never complained, never cursed his life, or blamed God, or felt sorry for himself ONCE. 

Not ONE word. EVER. Before God, I swear to you, I never heard him utter one word of complaint...

Every single day of his life was a battle. A struggle to survive. Every step he took, every move he made, was a war - just to be able to have the ability to BREATHE !

He had EVERY reason to give up! To quit. To reject the beauty of LIFE, but he NEVER did ! That was NOT an option! His strength and determination, and his WILL to live, would NOT allow it...

I tell you this, that despite his condition, this is also a man, that during the blizzards and harsh winters in New Jersey, battled through this crippling condition, to will himself be out in the field, to provide EXCELLENT Surveying responsibilities for his company, and to be able to provide for his family, and put food on our table. 

Despite all of this, this man was so highly regarded in his company, the owner of the company wrote him a personal letter telling him that he was the BEST employee he had, and that he could never be replaced. 

You see, as the years passed, the weather became a little harder than he could bear, so to help his health, he and Mom decided to pack up and to head for the Sunshine State, and ultimately Spring Hill.

A funny side story, how that they chose Spring Hill, a decision that would ultimately shape my own destiny...

During their search for a home, and I remember this vividly, we were driving around for hours, trying to, as he always did - survey the landscape. They both wanted me to have the very BEST of everything. Everything had to be PERFECT  to raise their family. They wanted to have a beautiful place to live, but it also had to have good schools, and a friendly community to live in. These things were constantly on their mind. 

So, in their search one day, we were driving for what seemed like hours...and as time passed, Nature had it's own way of calling, and as I smile sitting here typing this, Dad had to go "commune with nature" so, they parked the car at the top of a large hill, with what seemed like a perfect view.

I remember putting down my Cracked magazine and Nutter Butters and getting out to stretch my 8 year old legs to go look around for myself, and that's about when we ALL saw it !

I heard my Mother's voice first ! "Joe, look! A RAINBOW !" While I do know my Father was busy, off in the distance, I remember hearing him acknowledging that he had heard her too.

It would seem so, because once we all got back in our trust green Dodge, (I loved that car, the back seat was my own personal playground, littered with Star Wars toys, comics, and Nutter Butters, what more could a kid ask for - the new plan, was for us to FIND THE END OF THE RAINBOW !

I WANT to say I even heard Dad, and let me tell you, this man had (despite his condition) an AMAZING voice, singing "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" as we happily set off for our destination, which, as fate would have it, would wind up being Spring Hill - a place I have called home since that very day, in 1978.

Years passed, and as he got older, his condition deteriorated, he - as he always did, made the very best of it as best as he could, by engrossing himself with two of his other loves, his Bible, and his great passion for the game of Baseball.

My father....I don't know anyone who ever loved baseball more. He knew everything about every team, every player, all the stats, you name it. He had actual encyclopedias and telephone book sized books about it on his tables by his bedside. Bibles and Baseball. That was my Dad. 

During my younger years, I know, it was his fondest wish to see me succeed as a player, and he did everything he could to encourage it. Only years later, did I come to understand, that no matter what I did, he would support it just the same. Still, baseball was his greatest love...

Many of my friends knew him. He would come to the games, and while he was not able to take part, as desperately as he wished to, (our games of catch would involve him throwing his glove at the ball if I made a bad throw, though, I do remember seeing him jump to catch it once...I felt so horribly for that...I can still see it in my mind all these years later..he did try to be involved in any way he could, to offer tips to the other kids, to keep score, to offer a friendly word, a hug, or be a friend to talk to, or to give advice, or sometimes, to just be a caring listener and supporter. 

I tried baseball for a few years, but it was never really my thing. I tried football too, and liked that better. Music was more my thing. Flash forward a few years, I remember the day I told him that I no longer wanted to play baseball.. That was his dream. I never wanted to hurt him, but I was so afraid he would be crushed...I don't know how I could have been so selfish. I know I must have hurt him that day........

But, to his credit, he just smiled and said it was okay, and it was my decision to decide what I wanted to do. And this, was a man who ALWAYS was a man who said exactly what he meant, and meant what he said - a motto I live by to this day...

I will never forget the day that he demonstrated this kind of complete, warm, and unselfish love for me....we were driving, for what seemed like an eternity...I asked Mom and Dad, "Where are we going?" and of course they would NOT tell me...Mom just kept saying, "It's a SURPRISE!" My family, we're BIG on "It's a SURPRISE!" kinda stuff...

So, I sat back, with a huge smile on my face, perfectly, blissfully oblivious to what was about to take place..

The car stopped.

I look out the window...my smile turning into the hugest grin I could have ever imagined....

Here we now were, parked directly outside...

of Thoroughbred Music....

Blinking, excitedly, confusedly, I could barely ask..."Why are we here...???" 

And I remember hearing those words....

"Go...choose"

.......... ???

!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Flinging the door open, I raced inside, happily cheering my ass off and picked out my first real piece of musical equipment, a Fender P bass. Because of their love, I was able to make so many wonderful memories with that guitar (including 40 foot tall chickens???)...I still have it, and cherish it to this day...

I remember years later, playing my first "concert" at the school. To me this was the BIG time. I made it ! He wanted to support me so badly. Mom was there, in the audience, cheering her son, but, try as hard he did, he was took sick to be able to go, but, we did videotape it for him so he could see it, and I remember, even though we were terrible, he watched it, cheering as loud as he was able to, acting just like our Bucs just won the SuperBowl. As we sat there on the couch, watching together, he smiled, crying, wiping away tears, and hugged me, and told me how amazing I was.

I believed him. I loved him, and I knew he loved me. He gave up on his dreams, and supported mine.

He loved me, and supported me, in everything I did. That's what kind of man he was.

That's a life lesson that I tried so hard, and patiently waited for, to never forget, and, to one day, try to emulate, in his memory.

Ultimately, after years of fighting with every ounce of strength in his now frail body, and displaying super human ability to to endure it all, he lost his battle with this horrific illness.

To this day, I still feel remorse about not growing up to be a better person, or to have listened to all the life lessons he tried to teach me, or to have listened to him more, and listened to the things he tried to say.

What I would not give, to be able to share things with him today, to learn from his incredible wisdom and spirit. To try to learn what it means to be a REAL man, a quiet, gentle, Christian man, like him.

I swore, that, as I watched, up on that hill at football practice, seeing him stand there, smiling approvingly at me, with an ice cold glass of Gatorade just waiting for me to cool off with - like he had for me after every practice, that I would someday get the chance to try to be a man, like he was, and to show someone how much I care, and to try to be the best person they could be, like he did for me. I wanted to be THAT kind of father...

Now, with God's kindness, I finally got that chance, and every day, my eyes awaken as a blessed man.

I have my own amazing daughter now. He would have loved you Celena. I know he does now. He would adore Kayla. He would have loved all of you, my amazing family. In my mind, and my dreams, I have often wondered what that would be like...warm and beautiful thoughts, so painful to think about, fill my heart....

Dad, we speak often, so I know that you have already heard me tell you this - I know now, that no matter how long that I may live, I will never be you, or be able to possess your strength and spirit, but just know I will never give up trying to succeed, and to live my life by your example. I will always try, and I will never give up. I will always find a way...like you did.

I may not have been listening then, but I am learning, and with every day that passes, I will always try harder to learn and do more, to be a good man that you could be proud of, and to show you the honor you have always deserved to receive from me....

I never forgot the last thing you told me was, and that's something I now, will always do. I heard you my father....

Until the day comes when we're together again, just know, as Jesus knows, we love you, always.

We haven't forgotten, and will always remember the man you were, and the man you are in my heart.

My Father, my protector, and my best friend, you forever remain,

Your Son loves you....

Joe

Welcome to Words...by Joe Foster - an Introduction !

Hi all !

Well, here I am, late at night, sitting down to put the proverbial pen to digital paper!

For a long time now, many of you (that were kind enough to survive my ramblings), suggested I try my hand at writing something, and for years, I've kind of put it on the back burner.

Lately, with your kindness, I've decided I might actually give it a try.

I'm thinking, at some point in the future, I may decide to write a small book, purely for fun, though I'm not sure what style it will be in - self help, fiction, it could be anything.

As I mentioned before, I'm trying very hard to adjust to a complete shift in character and mindset, and place more emphasis in living for the day, and not "thinking" so much, and so deeply, about everything.

Try as I might though, I simply can't shut everything down - entirely. Ultimately, thoughts do linger in my mind, especially considering I am still a current events / news junkie.

So, instead of attempting to clutter my friends Facebook Newsfeeds, I thought, as a precursor to any attempt of literary dabbling - if any, is to be had, I'd best keep my thoughts delegated to this forum.

So, this means, if I have the need to tee off on any particular subject, this is how I'll choose to do it, so you, my friends / followers, can choose to read it here, and off your NewsFeeds, or not, and, maybe, get a little writing practice in during the process.

Please do know though, by coming here, you may as well see the sign hanging above the door that says EXACTLY THIS - "Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Enter Here" because this forum is going to have EXCLUSIVELY ZERO FILTER. I may keep it tame, I may drop a billion F bombs at will. I will not, under ANY circumstance edit myself. From brain to mouth to paper. Deal with it.

Subject matter here can, and WILL be adult in nature. It will also be completely randomized. I could be discussing world affairs one minute, get an ADD attack and be distracted by shiny objects, and discuss my love for baskets full of kittens the next. Simply put, this page is my therapy, and my "release valve" Well, at least the one I CAN share publicly =)

Now that my disclaimer is out of the way, on with the show! Once I get some sleep, I already have my first topic picked out...

Stay tuned ! Till tomorrow !

Much Zen, Much Love !

-J