It reminds me, with every day that passes, that I never stop thinking how thankful I am for everything that I have.
With that said, I'd like to share my own story with you, in the hope that somehow, it may reach someone - anyone, who may find themselves in a similar situation...
I don't claim that this will work for everyone, but I am encouraging you to read this, and try to believe in it, and to see if it will help you, like it helped me.
A few years ago, I was in a very different place. A dark and harmful and negative place. a place I truly believed, that was too deep of a fall to every begin to hope of escaping from. A place that was buried me so deeply, so far down that no light could ever reach.
Still, despite this, feeling somehow, as if I was a person trying to survive - collapsed underneath the rubble of a life that collapsed upon me, streaks of light - of hope - filtered their way through the cracks of what was left of my life, and let me know that most importantly, I was still alive. And because of that, if I was to survive, it was up to me to dig through this painful weight crushing upon me -upon my soul - if I was ever going to be able to breathe again.
The loss of nearly everything I had - all at once - was beyond almost anything I could process.
Job gone.
Money stolen (over 10k)
Belongings stolen.
Nearly homeless.
Completely penniless.
All people I surrounded myself with, trusted, and called friend, gone.
Repeatedly abused by those I loved.
Family life, not well.
Health, not well.
There are many times during this period of darkness, where I nearly allowed it to consume me.
I remember sitting there, in that tiny, pitch black room looking at what was left of my legacy - 6 plastic garbage bags of clothes and what was left of things that mattered - thinking, it would be very welcome to see my own Father again, if, for nothing else, to apologize for the shambles of what became of my life, and to beg his forgiveness for the life of dishonor and shame I've lived.
The pain was overwhelming. It was excruciating. In -every- way, they were very much crushing bricks and broken glass tearing at the fabric, and essence, of every aspect of my life, my identity, and my soul.
One day, while feeling, or, rather being in a state of unfeeling, while I desperately attempted as I did every day after day - to process this despair, I suddenly, miraculously, decided that I no longer wanted to feel this way...
Because I had a revelation....
I somehow, suddenly, knew, and realized, that despite all of the hell I was surrounded with - that despite their best efforts to destroy me - no matter what was said or done - whatever they did - I knew 3 things...
1. I knew the truth of everything that happened.
2. And I knew, Thank GOD, I was not them, nor, did I have to BE them.
3. I had HOPE, that if I were to try, someday, no matter how long it took, or pain I had to endure, or things I would have to do to survive, life would someday, be better.
And for me, from that VERY moment, and with every passing breath since, those 3 thoughts gave me peace, and, the strength and courage to, day by day, begin to scrape and claw at the layers of pain that crippled me.
To fight to survive...
It took time. It was not easy, and that is the truth.
Fortunately, for me, a hand emerged from the darkness, to help reach through the debris and pull me the rest of the way to the surface. That hand helped me climb out of that hellhole. It dusted me off, and help me bandage my wounds and begin to mend, and heal my broken soul.
I am forever indebted to that kind soul, and dearest of friends.
This is a person who understands the truest definition and meaning of what the concepts of friendship and kindness are.
From the moment that I was fully capable of mending, and gaining the wisdom and understanding of how I found myself in that situation, I realized that, with good reason - it changed me.
It made me truly appreciate every day that the Lord has made.
It made me appreciate being able to see the Sun rise.
It made me appreciate...
LIFE.
It made me know how thankful that I truly am, and what it means to live, and to be a humble, blessed man.
I made the decision to embrace that life, and, to forevermore shed the remnants of the life I left behind.
It began with repairing the hellhole of negativity I fell into. To see IT. To bury IT, like IT tried to bury ME.
To see IT for EXACTLY what IT very nearly could have been, a one way trip to eternal damnation....
To begin this transformation, I decided that I would o longer allow any - ANY of those kinds of wicked people to have their way in controlling or infiltrating my life.
I very clearly realized also, that by doing this, there was no point of return. Why would I ?
I walked away, on my own two feet, and left that darkness, and people who live that way, forever behind, thanking God with every stride.
Forever...
Never
To
Ever
Return
To
That
Life
Again...
Funny thing...life....
Sadly sweet, and ironic now that I look at it....
All my life, I have prayed, every day, to find peace within my heart, just to know, at least once, before I see my Father's face, and Lord again, just to know what it felt like...only never, to ever find it.
I truly believed, that in my mind, I was destined to walk this Earth alone, and accept this fate for what it was.
Then, I took those first steps...
It was hard....
I was scared....
I wasn't ready....
I wasn't sure I believed in myself....
Can I do this....?
But ultimately, life has a way of not caring or changing for you....
So..the only thing anyone can do is...as the movie says "Get busy livin, or get busy dyin"
So, hearing that message loud and clear, chose...to LIVE !
I chose to WANT to find MY OWN identity!
And you know, as funny as it sounds, the more I discovered about who I am, the more I found myself liking who I saw, and who I was, and where I saw myself going!
And the best news of all? I chose it for MYSELF, and, that nothing from my previous life could not stop me !
It was, and is, and will forever be MINE !
That felt GOOD ! I felt like, a sense of accomplishment, one that my previous life was not privy to, nor, could ever hope to reach, ever again....was washing over me...
It became a game to me. Every day, I woke up, and began to see what steps I could take to continue to build upon the day before, until those baby steps I took, became greater strides...I liked this feeling.
I wanted MORE.
I -DESERVED- MORE !
I FOUGHT to go out and GET MORE !
By MY rules !
By MY terms !
For MY life....
For MY goals..
For MY dreams...
MY WAY....
And remember when I was talking about life, and timing?
As soon I took those steps, God finally answered my prayers of so long ago...
HE sent ME an Angel....
A blessed, loving, beautiful Angel.....
My Celena.
Years I waited...
Years it took to live, and to believe, and to breathe again.
Now, here I am today, hand in hand, with my Soulmate.
Every day, and with every breath I take, my heart is overfilled with the purest JOY....
And now, as I reflect back on all of this path I've walked, to get from where I was, to where I am now, I have learned....
God was here waiting for me all along. He never moved, I did, away from HIM. All I had to do was reach for HIM, and HIS hand, like my friend who saved me was, HE would always be there waiting for me, no matter what others do, HE will always be here.
and finally....
Despite all I have pain and hell I have endured to get to this point in my life now I realize this...
I wouldn't change one damn thing.
It made me who I am today.
And, it led me into the arms of my Angel.
HOPE can, and will, work for you too. If you BELIEVE...
Believe in HIM.. Believe in the power of HOPE..
It's REAL, and it's waiting for you.
Right NOW. With every second that passes, is one second further you can be into writing your own story.
Today, is the first day of your new life.
YOUR next chapter.
How does YOUR story end?
What kind of tale will YOU tell?
Your soul wants to know. It NEEDS to know.
Your heart wants and needs for you to begin it's telling !
I share all of this with you in the hopes God blesses you, and asking HIM so that each of you
I don't claim that this will work for everyone, but I am encouraging you to read this, and try to believe in it, and to see if it will help you, like it helped me.
A few years ago, I was in a very different place. A dark and harmful and negative place. a place I truly believed, that was too deep of a fall to every begin to hope of escaping from. A place that was buried me so deeply, so far down that no light could ever reach.
Still, despite this, feeling somehow, as if I was a person trying to survive - collapsed underneath the rubble of a life that collapsed upon me, streaks of light - of hope - filtered their way through the cracks of what was left of my life, and let me know that most importantly, I was still alive. And because of that, if I was to survive, it was up to me to dig through this painful weight crushing upon me -upon my soul - if I was ever going to be able to breathe again.
The loss of nearly everything I had - all at once - was beyond almost anything I could process.
Job gone.
Money stolen (over 10k)
Belongings stolen.
Nearly homeless.
Completely penniless.
All people I surrounded myself with, trusted, and called friend, gone.
Repeatedly abused by those I loved.
Family life, not well.
Health, not well.
There are many times during this period of darkness, where I nearly allowed it to consume me.
I remember sitting there, in that tiny, pitch black room looking at what was left of my legacy - 6 plastic garbage bags of clothes and what was left of things that mattered - thinking, it would be very welcome to see my own Father again, if, for nothing else, to apologize for the shambles of what became of my life, and to beg his forgiveness for the life of dishonor and shame I've lived.
The pain was overwhelming. It was excruciating. In -every- way, they were very much crushing bricks and broken glass tearing at the fabric, and essence, of every aspect of my life, my identity, and my soul.
One day, while feeling, or, rather being in a state of unfeeling, while I desperately attempted as I did every day after day - to process this despair, I suddenly, miraculously, decided that I no longer wanted to feel this way...
Because I had a revelation....
I somehow, suddenly, knew, and realized, that despite all of the hell I was surrounded with - that despite their best efforts to destroy me - no matter what was said or done - whatever they did - I knew 3 things...
1. I knew the truth of everything that happened.
2. And I knew, Thank GOD, I was not them, nor, did I have to BE them.
3. I had HOPE, that if I were to try, someday, no matter how long it took, or pain I had to endure, or things I would have to do to survive, life would someday, be better.
And for me, from that VERY moment, and with every passing breath since, those 3 thoughts gave me peace, and, the strength and courage to, day by day, begin to scrape and claw at the layers of pain that crippled me.
To fight to survive...
It took time. It was not easy, and that is the truth.
Fortunately, for me, a hand emerged from the darkness, to help reach through the debris and pull me the rest of the way to the surface. That hand helped me climb out of that hellhole. It dusted me off, and help me bandage my wounds and begin to mend, and heal my broken soul.
I am forever indebted to that kind soul, and dearest of friends.
This is a person who understands the truest definition and meaning of what the concepts of friendship and kindness are.
From the moment that I was fully capable of mending, and gaining the wisdom and understanding of how I found myself in that situation, I realized that, with good reason - it changed me.
It made me truly appreciate every day that the Lord has made.
It made me appreciate being able to see the Sun rise.
It made me appreciate...
LIFE.
It made me know how thankful that I truly am, and what it means to live, and to be a humble, blessed man.
I made the decision to embrace that life, and, to forevermore shed the remnants of the life I left behind.
It began with repairing the hellhole of negativity I fell into. To see IT. To bury IT, like IT tried to bury ME.
To see IT for EXACTLY what IT very nearly could have been, a one way trip to eternal damnation....
To begin this transformation, I decided that I would o longer allow any - ANY of those kinds of wicked people to have their way in controlling or infiltrating my life.
I very clearly realized also, that by doing this, there was no point of return. Why would I ?
I walked away, on my own two feet, and left that darkness, and people who live that way, forever behind, thanking God with every stride.
Forever...
Never
To
Ever
Return
To
That
Life
Again...
Funny thing...life....
Sadly sweet, and ironic now that I look at it....
All my life, I have prayed, every day, to find peace within my heart, just to know, at least once, before I see my Father's face, and Lord again, just to know what it felt like...only never, to ever find it.
I truly believed, that in my mind, I was destined to walk this Earth alone, and accept this fate for what it was.
Then, I took those first steps...
It was hard....
I was scared....
I wasn't ready....
I wasn't sure I believed in myself....
Can I do this....?
But ultimately, life has a way of not caring or changing for you....
So..the only thing anyone can do is...as the movie says "Get busy livin, or get busy dyin"
So, hearing that message loud and clear, chose...to LIVE !
I chose to WANT to find MY OWN identity!
And you know, as funny as it sounds, the more I discovered about who I am, the more I found myself liking who I saw, and who I was, and where I saw myself going!
And the best news of all? I chose it for MYSELF, and, that nothing from my previous life could not stop me !
It was, and is, and will forever be MINE !
That felt GOOD ! I felt like, a sense of accomplishment, one that my previous life was not privy to, nor, could ever hope to reach, ever again....was washing over me...
It became a game to me. Every day, I woke up, and began to see what steps I could take to continue to build upon the day before, until those baby steps I took, became greater strides...I liked this feeling.
I wanted MORE.
I -DESERVED- MORE !
I FOUGHT to go out and GET MORE !
By MY rules !
By MY terms !
For MY life....
For MY goals..
For MY dreams...
MY WAY....
And remember when I was talking about life, and timing?
As soon I took those steps, God finally answered my prayers of so long ago...
HE sent ME an Angel....
A blessed, loving, beautiful Angel.....
My Celena.
Years I waited...
Years it took to live, and to believe, and to breathe again.
Now, here I am today, hand in hand, with my Soulmate.
Every day, and with every breath I take, my heart is overfilled with the purest JOY....
And now, as I reflect back on all of this path I've walked, to get from where I was, to where I am now, I have learned....
God was here waiting for me all along. He never moved, I did, away from HIM. All I had to do was reach for HIM, and HIS hand, like my friend who saved me was, HE would always be there waiting for me, no matter what others do, HE will always be here.
and finally....
Despite all I have pain and hell I have endured to get to this point in my life now I realize this...
I wouldn't change one damn thing.
It made me who I am today.
And, it led me into the arms of my Angel.
HOPE can, and will, work for you too. If you BELIEVE...
Believe in HIM.. Believe in the power of HOPE..
It's REAL, and it's waiting for you.
Right NOW. With every second that passes, is one second further you can be into writing your own story.
Today, is the first day of your new life.
YOUR next chapter.
How does YOUR story end?
What kind of tale will YOU tell?
Your soul wants to know. It NEEDS to know.
Your heart wants and needs for you to begin it's telling !
I share all of this with you in the hopes God blesses you, and asking HIM so that each of you
find this kind of joy in peace in your own hearts, always.
May your hearts, and chapters always be full.
Until next time, Much Peace, Much Zen, Much Love.
Always,
-J
May your hearts, and chapters always be full.
Until next time, Much Peace, Much Zen, Much Love.
Always,
-J
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